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Piranha 3D – Review (second opinion)

reviewed by Danny
directed by Alexandre Aja, 2010
(to read hallo’s review of Piranha 3D, click here)
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One of the main characters of Piranha 3D is a soft-core porn producer named Derrick Jones (played perfectly by Jerry O’Connell) . The character is clearly based on Girl’s Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, an undeniable sleezeball who finds little support in any corner of society not littered with frat boys or drunken college girls, so it is no surprise to see the film take a number of well-placed shots at his broad target. Unfortunately, the Jones character seems to exist not as a vehicle for parody but simply as a way to justify a boatload (actually, many boatloads) of gratuitous nudity. Still, aside from one over-the-top bit of soft-core ogling, the T&A is pretty standard and accurately reflects what goes on during Spring Break in various sunny destinations. More importantly, the scares and gore that are the real attraction for most horror fans are here in full force.

Piranha 3D is less a remake of the original cult classic as it is another riff on the theme. The film removes the military angle and the local politics and basically avoids wasting screen time on anything that isn’t naked or being eaten. It’s a purity that I appreciate. The opening scene, in which Jaws alum Richard Dreyfuss becomes the first victim of prehistoric piranha released into the lake by an earthquake that has opened up a connection with a large underground lake, is a stunner. It starts the film off right while also getting about 50% of the exposition out of the way quickly.

We get the rest of the exposition in the next few scenes where we meet the local sheriff (played by the extremely likable Elizabeth Shue), her teen son and his younger siblings, and the aforementioned Derrick Jones, his cameraman, and two bathing beauties. When the son takes a job scouting locations for the film crew, he leaves his younger siblings to fend for themselves (which doesn’t go well). Add a romantic subplot between the son and a high school friend that Jones is trying to talk out of her bikini, mix in a school of angry, battle-scarred piranha, shake well, and you have a recipe for a killer monster movie done right.

And, for the most part, it is.  The main set pieces (the collapse of a floating stage, a boat-to-boat rope climb) are done very well.  All the characters we want to die violently do so.  Those that need a heroic send off, get one.  The 3D is used to good effect throughout though it still feels like a gimmick instead of being fully integrated into the cinematography.  The blood and guts level is super high and some of the deaths are just awesome.  Jones especially gets a graphic send off that seems to be exactly what he deserves, and it sent the audience I saw it with into fits of laughter.

For fans of the genre, Piranha 3D is a lot of fun.  It isn’t for everyone—an eight minute long nude synchronized swimming scene involving two of the “wild girls” is ridiculously graphic and unnecessary–but the film is good fun for gore hounds who can handle a bit of gratuitous T&A with their horror.

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Piranha 3D – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Alexandre Aja, 2010
(to read Danny’s review of Piranha 3D, click here)
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Anytime the initial scene of a horror movie reveals someone hanging out in a boat in the middle of a seemingly deserted lake, you can bet your bottom dollar that extreme campiness will follow (Lake Placid, Hatchet).  Piranha 3D keeps that tradition alive.  After a small earthquake creates an opening to a separate underground lake that had been sealed off from the main Lake Victoria for millions of years, a deadly species of piranha, presumed to have been been extinct for years, are now able to make their way to Lake Victoria.  The arrival of the flesh-eating fish is ill-timed since it is spring break week and thousands of hormone filled young people are enjoying their free time on the lake.  The stage is set for hardcore carnage.

The movie follows the plight of young Jake, a teenager still living at home under the care of his mom, who is also the town sherrif, played wonderfully by Elizabeth Shue.  Instead of fulfilling his obligations as a babysitter to his younger brother and sister, Jake sets out on a boat with a small crew from a “Girls Gone Wild” rip-off as their “location scout.”  While on the lake, the piranha discover the buffet of people available to them and the crystal clear water soon turns dark red.  Lots of blood and lots of body parts make up the rest of the film.

A quick perusal of RottenTomatoes.com will show a “fresh” rating of 81%.  What is interesting about the reviews, however, is that many critics associated with RottenTomatoes.com echo sentiments similar to Beth Accomando who says, “The new Piranha 3D lived down to my absolute lowest expectations and I say that with nothing but gleeful affection.”  I, unfortunately, agree with her assessment but cannot agree with her conclusion.  Despite some strong performances and a few effective death scenes which I will mention below, the film falls woefully short.

The primary reason for my disappoint with the film is its ridiculously over-the-top sexual exploitation.  Whereas many horror films effectively utilize sexuality to improve the telling of the story, Piranha 3D simply needed something for the viewers to watch in-between kill scenes.  That something was a bunch of sex-starved college students going a step beyond the antics of Mardi-Gras relocated on an otherwise serene lake.  A few times during the film I was embarrassed to be in the theater even though I was by myself.  I am also getting a bit weary of movies doing a rip-off of “Girls Gone Wild” as a main part of their storyline.  It was just too much.

I was also disappointed with both the 3-D filming and the underwater struggles with the piranhas.  Many times, thanks to a massive amount of blood and the lack of clarity with the 3-D, much of the action was unrecognizable.  You couldn’t really make out what you were watching much of time during underwater scenes.  Add to that the reality that Piranha 3D has absolutely nothing to say about anything (by design no doubt) and I am left underwhelmed.

Nevertheless, the film does have its bright spots.  Elizabeth Shue is wonderful, as always, and brought a much needed serious tone to the film.  Her performance was especially interesting after recently podcasting on the topic of whether or not horror movies are misogynistic.  Richard Dreyfus, who is the unfortunate soul to first meet the piranhas, was fun to watch although he reminded you how much better Jaws is than this film.  For me, the highlight of the movie was a brief appearance by Christopher Lloyd as the old scientist who correctly identified the species of piranha unleashed in the lake.  It was as if Doc Brown had shifted his scientific prowess from a time travel expert to an ichthyologist.

Amid the mostly disappointing and convoluted kill scenes were a few memorable ones.  The best by far was the burrowing of a piranha into the stomach of a helpless lady only to explode out of her mouth a few moments later.  There was also a nice scene of a boat line falling down and slicing a young lady in half – Aja allowed 5-6 seconds of time to elapse before showing that she had been cut.

Overall, I am glad I saw the movie.  It is certainly possible that my expectations for the film were way too high.  I can’t fully recommend it and would heavily caution parents before allowing young people to see this film.  Yet, it is fun in parts, there is a great cast, and every now then you will find yourself smiling.  I guess that is more than I can say for a lot of horror films out there.  Proceed with caution.

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Hatchet – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Adam Green, 2006
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I have continued to hear news reports concerning the fall 2010 release of Hatchet 2 directed by Adam Green.  Each of these reports served as a gentle reminder that I had yet to see the original, so I figured the time was ripe.  I will return to a few brief comments about the sequel below.

After quickly reviewing the production team and cast for Hatchet, I was surprised by a couple of things.  First, I was surprised that I had never heard of the director Adam Green.  The movie has caused enough of a stir in the horror world that I figured I would have at least known something about the director.  Nevertheless, I had never seen nor heard any of the 10 films he had directed.  On the contrary, the cast was packed with familiar names such as Joel Moore, Kane Hodder, Richard Riehle, Robert Englund,  and Tony Todd.  I was intrigued to say the least.

The film is about a young man named Ben who has unfortunately been dumped by his girlfriend of eight years.  In a friendly attempt to offer consolation, a few of his friends take Ben to Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  Ben, however, wants nothing to do with the moral decay of Mardi Gras much to the chagrin of his friends.  He decides to find something that better suits his interests and seeks out a haunted swamp tour he heard about from a friend.  Although the rest of his group ditches Ben, one loyal friend named Marcus hangs around.  Marcus, as it it turns out, becomes one of the very few reasons why Hatchet is watchable.  Although the established swamp tour business is no longer doing tours (because they were sued), they stumble across another tour guide.  As we will discover, this new tour guide is a fake and is only looking to make a buck.

Ben and an extremely reluctant Marcus end up paying for a tour along with a couple of porn stars, a porn director, an elderly couple, and a quiet but assertive lady.  Ben attempts to befriend the quiet lady, whose name is Marybeth, by whipping out effective conversation starters such as “I like that coat.”  Anyway, the group eventually gets to the boat and makes their way down the swamp.  Along the way all the guests begin to realize that the guide is a scam and just as it comes to a head, he wrecks the boat into a pile of rocks.  Too bad for them, because this is the home of Victor Crowley, a severely deformed man who was accidentally stabbed in the head by his father with a hatchet.  Now, as the legend goes, Victor walks the swamp looking for folks to brutally mutilate (sound like anyone else you know?).  In classic horror movie style, folks start dying one by one in rather gruesome ways.  The gore is excellent and is probably the only other redeeming aspect of the movie.  Arms are torn off, jaws are sawed off, spines are ripped out, and heads are twisted off.  The gore is not really an essential part of the film in terms of the storytelling, but as a horror movie lover I am always pleased to see a well done kill scene.

Amid all the stupid dialogue and confusing actions on the part of the group, Ben finally decides to go back to Victor’s house to look for gasoline cans.  Bad idea as that causes the death of more people.  Ultimately, Marcus bites the dust and just when it appears that things are over for Ben and Marybeth, they manage to run through Victor with a spear.  Just like all good slasher movies, the heroes end up on a canoe to paddle away with nice peaceful music playing (sound like another ending to a movie?).  Oops!  Victor isn’t dead!!  Can you believe it??  He pulls Marybeth into the water.  She manages to escape but gets caught in some branches under the water.  Just above her she can see Ben’s hand reaching down in the water grasping for her.  She finally manages to reach Ben’s hand and is pulled up out of the water.  The bad news is that Victor has ripped Ben’s arms out of their sockets and was holding them down into the water to lure Marybeth up.  The film ends with Marybeth in the embrace of Victor’s arms.

The movie has absolutely zero to offer in originality and creative story telling.  However,  I’m not so sure that was their intent.  The tagline for the movie is “Old School American Horror.”  This is a film that sets out to take a well-established formula and do it well.  Three elements were obviously important for director Adam Green.  First, he wanted to assemble a solid group of actors.  This is a movie where you keep saying, “oh yeah, I know that guy.”  It does add credibility to the film and it is always fun to see old name resurface.  Second, humor was a critical part of the movie and it was provided beautifully by Marcus and Shawn (the fake tour guide).  Third, gore was used as a means to filter between horror fans who live for well done classic gore and those who don’t.  So much so that director Adam Green’s comments concerning the second film are, “if you didn’t like the first one, don’t see the second one.”  Green’s directing leaves something to be desired and a majority of the dialogue is pathetic.  Having said that, this probably succeeds in what it was attempting to do:  provide a fun, stomach-wrenching gore fest wrought with laughs and “shock” moments.

Philosophically, the movie really says absolutely nothing.  The only point of interest is a running theme throughout the film concerning folks who pretend to be something they aren’t.  The tour guide who speaks with a terrible New Orleans accent is really a scam artist.  The “porn director” is really a business man just trying to get some action.  One of the porn actresses lies about attending NYU.  What all that has to do with the gore infestation that is Victor Crowley I have no idea.  The only thing I was able to come up with is the irony that Victor, a brutally distorted human being, was always honest and open about who he was.  In contrast, he is now killing those who hide their own inner darkness behind a facade of lies.  More likely is the possibility that the writers were frantically looking for a story to weave in-between the awesome death scenes.

From what I have been reading concerning the sequel, Adam Green has decided to step it up a notch.  Humor, apparently, will not play as prominent a role in the sequel and the gore promises to be taken to the next level.  My hunch is that Green is somewhat amazed that he will actually be directing a sequel and has decided to strengthen his grip on what could be the start of a name for himself.  The movie has a strong set of fans and the sequel seems to be gaining some high expectation.  Victor is not finished yet.

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The Devil’s Rejects – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Rob Zombie, 2005
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In the world of gore and explicit imagery, the question that goes hand in hand with films of this nature is whether the over-the-top images tell a story that would fall short without them.  For most people, they can never see the purpose, and that is understandable.  Zombie’s sequel to House of 1000 Corpses falls well short of the original film, but still has something to offer.

I will admit, the first hour of The Devil’s Rejects had me thinking, “this is just Rob Zombie attempting to disgust as many people as possible.”  I am a huge fan of his first film, “House of 1000 corpses” (see below), granted, it is a Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip off.  But, it is a good rip off.

However, about 2/3 through the film, a scene happens that turned the movie around for me.  The leading police officer on the case, whose mind of revenge over the death of his brother finally takes him to the land of insanity, calls in the local leading movie critic to help the case with an explanation of Groucho Marx films, which helps the officer understand the methodology of the demented family.  He came to discover that all the names of the family were taken from Groucho Marx characters.  This particular film critic, such a huge fan of Groucho Marx, ends up turning his help with the case into a rant and rave on how the death of Marx was overshadowed by the fact that Elvis died just a few days previous.  His passion and obsession with his love shines through in a big way, almost to the point of getting shot by the local, Elvis loving police officers.

It was then that I understood the direction of the film, at least for me.  The Devil’s Rejects offers the viewer an exploration into the possibility that each of us has our own idea of what needs to be emphasized.  All the characters examined in the film were radically obsessed with their particular viewpoint on life, which ultimately led to ruin of each character.  A revenge driven police officer, a movie critic whose favorite actor doesn’t get enough credit, a psychotic family whose quest for the lust of life continues to bring them closer to death.

I suppose the explicit imagery says this to the viewer:  Anything taken to excessive limits can turn into a very nasty, dirty, ugly portrait of our own destruction.

Have a nice day.

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House of 1000 Corpses – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Rob Zombie, 2003
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My appreciation for the talent of Rob Zombie goes way back to the early 90’s when I first heard the White Zombie song “Black Sunshine.” I was hooked on the song, the band, and the horror-dominated fantasy style of Rob’s music. So it was with great interest and excitement that I learned of his 2003 directorial debut entitled House of 1000 Corpses. Upon my first viewing, I labeled it as an instant classic and made the bold statement that Zombie might very well become the next great horror director of our time. I was right on the first one, wrong on the second.

Not that there is anything original or even fresh in House of 1000 Corpses. On the contrary, it is a well used (overly used?) backwoods story of a group of teenagers who get lost and wind up at the wrong house. Go ahead and insert the list of 300 movies you have seen that have the same plot right here. But who cares? We don’t watch horror in order to always see the next original, new thing. We watch horror to see it done well. And Rob Zombie does this one well.

The opening scene is incredibly important for the rest of film as it establishes a good many things about the direction Zombie is going. First, the film will be dealing with vulgar characters and subject matter. Second, thanks to Zombie’s directing, we find ourselves weirdly attached to these awful characters and find them likable. Third, Zombie draws heavily on his own appreciation of both the real world of horror and the fantasy world, creating an interesting mix of the two. For example, after the two couples experience “Captain Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters and Madmen” and the “Murder Ride”, we see a blending of real life killers such as Ed Gein and Albert Fish and the fictional character “Dr. Satan” who will be the ending focus of the movie.

After the two couples visit this roadside attraction, they are determined to find the stomping ground of Dr. Satan. After picking up a hitchhiker whose name is “Baby” (Sheri Moon Zombie), they of course blow a tire in the middle of a rainstorm and must wait for Baby and one of the unfortunate guys (Rainn Wilson from The Office) to visit Baby’s house and get her brother with a tow truck. Well, from this point things seem to be strangely out of place and the carnage begins. Once the group gets back to the house they experience a disturbing dinner with the family followed by a whacked out dinner show. Finally, the car is fixed. The group gets about 20 feet down the driveway when they are attacked by the family, the car is destroyed, and they are locked in the house. Which, of course, begs the question: Why fix the car in the first place if you are going to just destroy 15 seconds later? And why let the group get 20 feet down the driveway? Oh well, who cares? It made for a cool scene.

From this point on we begin to learn more about the creative carnage of Otis (Bill Moseley). He takes his killing very seriously. Zombie will do quick cuts to black and white footage he filmed using an ordinary camcorder, then back to the film. Several times throughout a single scene, Zombie will use different lighting and colors just to keep adding confusion to what is happening.

I must admit, the final scene is just a complete question mark. They are lowering the 2 surviving members of the group down into a grave which turns out to be a series of tunnels. But why put that tape recorder playing the super-strange sounds on top of the two victims? Who knows? Finally, after running through tunnels being chased by weird looking dudes, our remaining survivor encounters Dr. Satan. She does manage to get away, but not before being picked up by Captain Spalding, who we know learn is in-cahoots with Otis and the family.

So, House of 1000 Corpses is somewhat predictable, a bit cliched, and very animated. But Zombie does a great job with the camera, the scenes keep your interest, and he uses just the right amount of gore to keep you flinching, but not make you walk out the door. The DVD is worth its price just to listen to the directors commentary which is by far the best I have ever listened to. It gives great insight into Zombie’s approach and his vision for the movie. If you are a fan of Tobe Hooper and the like, then House of 1000 Corpses is for you. I wish I could say the same thing for Zombies subsequent films. But this one is a keeper.

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The Crazies – Review

reviewed by JB
directed by Breck Eisner, 2010
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First off I would like to thank my wife for attending this feature with me. She hates “my kind of movies,” so thanks baby. Now on to the presentation. The Crazies is apparently a remake of a 1973 Romero film by the same name. I myself have never heard of it, but I plan to try and rent it at a later date. I have read other written reviews of the ‘73 flick and it was seemingly very politically driven ( more later ). The current version stars Timothy Olyphant as a sheriff of a small farming town. Radha Mitchell plays his doctor wife and Joe Anderson plays his loyal deputy. These are the characters the movie focuses on through the course of their perils. The opening scene shows the peaceful little town on the first day of baseball season and the town is enjoying the game when all of a sudden like five minutes into the movie the events get rolling. A man supposedly the town drunk, which we learn later, comes out of left field, literally, with a shotgun. The sheriff is forced to confront him all the while noticing that he appears drunk or not right with a crazy look in his eyes. Just like in the trailer the sheriff shoots him dead. The autopsy comes back and the guy is not drunk and the mystery begins. More people start to act ” not right ” and one man is seen by the doctor. He then proceeds to repeat himself to the doctor so she wants to send him to the closest big city (remember this) Cedar Rapids for a cat scan. This is where things start to go nuts. The man who saw the doctor indeed has problems and the first attempted scare happens. Really there are some creepy moments in this film that have you tense, but the scares are hard to come by. Which this is a zombie/infected flick and to me they are more about gore (more on this later also) and tension and the chase or escape moments than scares anyway. I suppose the genre of HORROR spans all of this and not just films with scares even though the film has several weak attempts at some. From here on out more townsfolk keep doing odd things, and out of the blue on a gut hunch the sheriff decides something isn’t right. Then some guys are out in the swamp of Ogden Marsh and find a parachute and the dead pilot submerged in the bog. The sheriff and his deputy investigate, and the deputy recalls a local hearing a big crash in the night so off they go to investigate. Turns out there was a plane crash in the marsh, and in one of the cooler visual scenes in the movie, they set out and find the plane in the murky water of the bog. This is where the movie lets you on to the big secret. The government plane had some stuff on it and it’s bad for everybody. I have read in other reviews, as mentioned before, that the original has a politically charged theme in regard to government. This is that tie in, but the 2010 version doesn’t take it that far. They let you know through the movie that big brother is watching, but it’s not an anti gov. movie. As for the comparison I will let you know when I see the original.

After the plane is found the sheriff and his deputy determine that the plane is contaminating the water that the town drinks and that is what is causing everybody to become CRAZY. The government finally comes in and tries to segregate everybody according to who has a fever. Apparently this is the first sign of the infection. Earlier on the viewer is made aware that the sheriff’s wife is pregnant, which in turn cause her to have a fever and hence she is assumed infected and taken from her husband. After this there is another one of the creepy scenes. If you watched any of the trailers you saw the person dragging the pitchfork through the hospital, well this is it. I was pretty excited to see some good gore here, but it was a little of a letdown. I was expecting a crazy dude just going off and stabbing person after person and blood oozing, guts dripping, eyeballs flying, arms loped off, brains spilling—– sorry I got a little carried away, but the point I am trying to make while the scene was well shot and kinda creepy, I expected gore. In my opinion zombie movies need some gore and this version of The Crazies didn’t have enough for me. From here on out the movie is more of a survival story where the sheriff has to save his wife and escape. The couple along with the trusty deputy run around, mainly from the government and some crazies here and there, and have a neat little run in with some crazies at a car wash. They are trying to get to the government exit point where they plan on hopping onto a bus and going happily off into the sunset. More problems arise and if this review is sounding a little redundant that is because that is how this movie goes. Find a safe place and whoa, wait it aint safe here. Anyway without spoiling the ending which isn’t all that much of a twist, the sheriff and his wife escape and the loyal deputy makes a not so dramatic-dramatic choice.

I’m not sure what that is, but see the movie and you will understand that you saw it coming. The last frame of the movie shows the sheriff and his wife walking off into the sunset and a government satellite picks up the couple heading to Cedar Rapids and declares an emergency quarantine protocol. If you see the movie you will see that that is going to be bad news.

All in all this was not a bad movie. I would have personally liked to see more gore, which I think by the reviews of the ‘73 original it has more. There was nothing new or ground breaking in it either. Timothy Olyphant is one of my favorite actors with a great role in Deadwood as coincidentally the sheriff, and as agent 47 in Hitman. Here he does a pretty good job, but there wasn’t a whole lot to work with as far as script. As for the costars, all did a good job being scared, frightened, surprised, but you could have put me and my wife in the roles and the outcome could have been sufficient. I put the mediocrity of this movie on the director whose vision of the movie was different than what I would have preferred, which is kinda strange in that Romero was a producer on the film. In the end I would save this as a renter on a cold October night.

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