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Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Joseph Zito, 1984
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The formula for a successful Friday the 13th film had been firmly established by the time part 4 (The Final Chapter) graced the silver screen in 1984.  It was established so well that the film, intending to be the last in the series, grossed enough money to make Paramount Pictures rethink killing the franchise.  Obviously, they decided to bring Jason back – time and time and time again.

So, The Final Chapter is a classic Friday the 13th film, filled with a bunch of silly young people who get knocked off one-by-one by the maniacal and revengeful Jason Vorhees.  The fun part of this particular film is a young Corey Feldman playing Tommy Jarvis, a character that will be reprised in two more films.  The character and personality of Tommy Jarvis fit the style of Corey Feldman quite well and the character is actually believable, unlike virtually every other character in the film who simply exists to be creatively killed.  Death scenes include a corkscrew to the forehead (of Crispin Glove, AKA George McFly), a couple of impalements, a harpoon to a crotch, a nasty collision with some shower tile, a finger through the eye, and an axe to the head.  Nice.

The ending of the film is the best since the original.  Tommy Jarvis ends up shaving his head to resemble a young Jason Vorhees.  The ploy works long enough to distract Jason so that Tommy’s sister, Trish, can get the upper hand.  Tommy eventually flips out and ends up taking a machete to the corpse of a presumed dead Jason about fifty times.  It is actually a pretty freaky little scene to see Tommy with a shaved head going crazy on Jason yelling “Die Die Die” the entire time.  This whacked out ending will be used in part 5 to explain the thrust of that film’s plot.

This one is probably the best since the original or at least a close tie with part 2.  That, of course, is a relative statement and remains a pretty bad horror movie.  But as I have said all along through this series of reviews, if you like slasher films and don’t mind the same, tired formula, then it is hard to go wrong with a Friday the 13th film.  This one is no different.

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Piranha 3D – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Alexandre Aja, 2010
(to read Danny’s review of Piranha 3D, click here)
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Anytime the initial scene of a horror movie reveals someone hanging out in a boat in the middle of a seemingly deserted lake, you can bet your bottom dollar that extreme campiness will follow (Lake Placid, Hatchet).  Piranha 3D keeps that tradition alive.  After a small earthquake creates an opening to a separate underground lake that had been sealed off from the main Lake Victoria for millions of years, a deadly species of piranha, presumed to have been been extinct for years, are now able to make their way to Lake Victoria.  The arrival of the flesh-eating fish is ill-timed since it is spring break week and thousands of hormone filled young people are enjoying their free time on the lake.  The stage is set for hardcore carnage.

The movie follows the plight of young Jake, a teenager still living at home under the care of his mom, who is also the town sherrif, played wonderfully by Elizabeth Shue.  Instead of fulfilling his obligations as a babysitter to his younger brother and sister, Jake sets out on a boat with a small crew from a “Girls Gone Wild” rip-off as their “location scout.”  While on the lake, the piranha discover the buffet of people available to them and the crystal clear water soon turns dark red.  Lots of blood and lots of body parts make up the rest of the film.

A quick perusal of RottenTomatoes.com will show a “fresh” rating of 81%.  What is interesting about the reviews, however, is that many critics associated with RottenTomatoes.com echo sentiments similar to Beth Accomando who says, “The new Piranha 3D lived down to my absolute lowest expectations and I say that with nothing but gleeful affection.”  I, unfortunately, agree with her assessment but cannot agree with her conclusion.  Despite some strong performances and a few effective death scenes which I will mention below, the film falls woefully short.

The primary reason for my disappoint with the film is its ridiculously over-the-top sexual exploitation.  Whereas many horror films effectively utilize sexuality to improve the telling of the story, Piranha 3D simply needed something for the viewers to watch in-between kill scenes.  That something was a bunch of sex-starved college students going a step beyond the antics of Mardi-Gras relocated on an otherwise serene lake.  A few times during the film I was embarrassed to be in the theater even though I was by myself.  I am also getting a bit weary of movies doing a rip-off of “Girls Gone Wild” as a main part of their storyline.  It was just too much.

I was also disappointed with both the 3-D filming and the underwater struggles with the piranhas.  Many times, thanks to a massive amount of blood and the lack of clarity with the 3-D, much of the action was unrecognizable.  You couldn’t really make out what you were watching much of time during underwater scenes.  Add to that the reality that Piranha 3D has absolutely nothing to say about anything (by design no doubt) and I am left underwhelmed.

Nevertheless, the film does have its bright spots.  Elizabeth Shue is wonderful, as always, and brought a much needed serious tone to the film.  Her performance was especially interesting after recently podcasting on the topic of whether or not horror movies are misogynistic.  Richard Dreyfus, who is the unfortunate soul to first meet the piranhas, was fun to watch although he reminded you how much better Jaws is than this film.  For me, the highlight of the movie was a brief appearance by Christopher Lloyd as the old scientist who correctly identified the species of piranha unleashed in the lake.  It was as if Doc Brown had shifted his scientific prowess from a time travel expert to an ichthyologist.

Amid the mostly disappointing and convoluted kill scenes were a few memorable ones.  The best by far was the burrowing of a piranha into the stomach of a helpless lady only to explode out of her mouth a few moments later.  There was also a nice scene of a boat line falling down and slicing a young lady in half – Aja allowed 5-6 seconds of time to elapse before showing that she had been cut.

Overall, I am glad I saw the movie.  It is certainly possible that my expectations for the film were way too high.  I can’t fully recommend it and would heavily caution parents before allowing young people to see this film.  Yet, it is fun in parts, there is a great cast, and every now then you will find yourself smiling.  I guess that is more than I can say for a lot of horror films out there.  Proceed with caution.

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Diary of the Dead- Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by George Romero, 2007
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“Are we worth saving?  You tell me.” – Debra Moynihan

With those concluding words of narration, Diary of the Dead rolls credits.  It is a question that permeates the brilliant storytelling of famed horror director George Romero in this 5th entry of his critically acclaimed Dead series.  A struggle for power, an insatiable desire to fulfill a perceived life purpose, and a misunderstood destination of safety all provide a thought-provoking 90 minutes of zombie mania.

Diary of the Dead is not a typical sequel in the Dead series, but rather documents a separate story during the initial outbreak of the original Night of the Living Dead movie.  In other words, the timeline follows the same chronology of the original 1968 film even though the immediate setting of Diary of the Dead is in the 21st century.  As this group of young people are struggling with zombies and one another, we can imagine a boarded up house on a farm somewhere in PA where Ben and Barbra are fighting for their lives.  Several references to the original film are made, including the reuse of the original newscast from NOTLD.  Romero himself called this entry a “rejigging of the myth.”

As always, Romero is masterful with zombies and remains in this reviewer’s eye the heavyweight champion of all things zombiefied.  This particular story follows a group of young Pitt film students who are creating a horror movie when the outbreak strikes.  Since documentary is Jason Creed’s first love, he decides to carry his trusty Panasonic camera with him at all times and capture the events of the developing real life horror story.  Along the way, another camera is picked up allowing for two different camera angles of the action.  We learn at the beginning of the movie that Jason’s girlfriend, Debra, compiled the film together so that people would know the truth.  Oh, she also added music and sound effects because she “wants you to be scared.”  Unfortunately, the film at times loses its grip because of the consistent and occasionally tiresome use of the documentary style.  That is one of very few complaints I have with the movie.

In typical Romero fashion, we are immersed in the struggles of the core group of people as they in turn are struggling with survival.  Deeply embedded in DOTD is the universal desire to fulfill our life passion, which almost certainly involves a certain amount of assumed power.  For Jason, the consuming desire to capture the “real” story of the outbreak is convincingly explained to Barbra as the only way they might be able to save lives.  However, Jason’s true motives are revealed when he repeatedly refuses to put down the camera in times of desperate need, choosing instead to film the ending of human life at the hands of the zombies rather than save a human life, which is of course the explanation he provided for the filming in the first place.  In this way, Jason is no different than the living dead.  They know only one thing – to seek out and consume living human flesh.  Jason’s passions close his mind to any reality other than getting the shot on film.  Romero once again reminds us that the line between zombie and human is not as broad as we might think.  Debra, during her overdub narration of the finished documentary, blatantly explains this truth by asserting, “it is us vs. them.  The problem is that they are us.”

Another interesting sub-theme that was consistently placed throughout the dialogue was the realization of the supernatural in the chaotic events.  At one point, a character sarcastically screams that unless you are Jesus Christ you “don’t stand up and walk around after you are dead.”  Another use of narration by Debra insists that “God had changed the rules and we were following along.”  The movie makes clear that a world beyond mere materialism is known by all people in all places, yet even that inner knowledge cannot keep us from pursuing the riches of materialism.  At one point the group seeks refuge in a large garage where a band of friends had looted the entire city and hauled it all to one central location.  Proud of their accomplishments and their acquisition of stuff, they were unwilling to even let the group fill their tank completely with gas.  Finally, they were able to say “look at all the stuff we have.”

In the last 2 minutes of the movie, as the remaining 3 characters are talking with one another, an older professor looks in the mirror as the sun is rising.  The dialogue that ensues is wonderful:

Debra:  Things always look better in the morning.
Andrew:  Not to me. Mornings bring light. I prefer the darkness. It’s easier to hide in the dark.
Tony:  You know, Professor? I actually get the… the mornings. They show you for what you are, instead of what you think you are.
Andrew:  Inelegantly phrased, Mr. Ravello, but accurately put. Mornings… and mirrors. I despise them. Mornings and mirrors only serve to terrify old men.

We all prefer the darkness, it is indeed easier to hide.  On this point of dialogue, it is hard to imagine that Romero did not have John3 in mind:

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

Are humans worth saving?  Absolutely.  And yet because of our own love of darkness, not all will be saved.

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Hatchet – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Adam Green, 2006
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I have continued to hear news reports concerning the fall 2010 release of Hatchet 2 directed by Adam Green.  Each of these reports served as a gentle reminder that I had yet to see the original, so I figured the time was ripe.  I will return to a few brief comments about the sequel below.

After quickly reviewing the production team and cast for Hatchet, I was surprised by a couple of things.  First, I was surprised that I had never heard of the director Adam Green.  The movie has caused enough of a stir in the horror world that I figured I would have at least known something about the director.  Nevertheless, I had never seen nor heard any of the 10 films he had directed.  On the contrary, the cast was packed with familiar names such as Joel Moore, Kane Hodder, Richard Riehle, Robert Englund,  and Tony Todd.  I was intrigued to say the least.

The film is about a young man named Ben who has unfortunately been dumped by his girlfriend of eight years.  In a friendly attempt to offer consolation, a few of his friends take Ben to Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  Ben, however, wants nothing to do with the moral decay of Mardi Gras much to the chagrin of his friends.  He decides to find something that better suits his interests and seeks out a haunted swamp tour he heard about from a friend.  Although the rest of his group ditches Ben, one loyal friend named Marcus hangs around.  Marcus, as it it turns out, becomes one of the very few reasons why Hatchet is watchable.  Although the established swamp tour business is no longer doing tours (because they were sued), they stumble across another tour guide.  As we will discover, this new tour guide is a fake and is only looking to make a buck.

Ben and an extremely reluctant Marcus end up paying for a tour along with a couple of porn stars, a porn director, an elderly couple, and a quiet but assertive lady.  Ben attempts to befriend the quiet lady, whose name is Marybeth, by whipping out effective conversation starters such as “I like that coat.”  Anyway, the group eventually gets to the boat and makes their way down the swamp.  Along the way all the guests begin to realize that the guide is a scam and just as it comes to a head, he wrecks the boat into a pile of rocks.  Too bad for them, because this is the home of Victor Crowley, a severely deformed man who was accidentally stabbed in the head by his father with a hatchet.  Now, as the legend goes, Victor walks the swamp looking for folks to brutally mutilate (sound like anyone else you know?).  In classic horror movie style, folks start dying one by one in rather gruesome ways.  The gore is excellent and is probably the only other redeeming aspect of the movie.  Arms are torn off, jaws are sawed off, spines are ripped out, and heads are twisted off.  The gore is not really an essential part of the film in terms of the storytelling, but as a horror movie lover I am always pleased to see a well done kill scene.

Amid all the stupid dialogue and confusing actions on the part of the group, Ben finally decides to go back to Victor’s house to look for gasoline cans.  Bad idea as that causes the death of more people.  Ultimately, Marcus bites the dust and just when it appears that things are over for Ben and Marybeth, they manage to run through Victor with a spear.  Just like all good slasher movies, the heroes end up on a canoe to paddle away with nice peaceful music playing (sound like another ending to a movie?).  Oops!  Victor isn’t dead!!  Can you believe it??  He pulls Marybeth into the water.  She manages to escape but gets caught in some branches under the water.  Just above her she can see Ben’s hand reaching down in the water grasping for her.  She finally manages to reach Ben’s hand and is pulled up out of the water.  The bad news is that Victor has ripped Ben’s arms out of their sockets and was holding them down into the water to lure Marybeth up.  The film ends with Marybeth in the embrace of Victor’s arms.

The movie has absolutely zero to offer in originality and creative story telling.  However,  I’m not so sure that was their intent.  The tagline for the movie is “Old School American Horror.”  This is a film that sets out to take a well-established formula and do it well.  Three elements were obviously important for director Adam Green.  First, he wanted to assemble a solid group of actors.  This is a movie where you keep saying, “oh yeah, I know that guy.”  It does add credibility to the film and it is always fun to see old name resurface.  Second, humor was a critical part of the movie and it was provided beautifully by Marcus and Shawn (the fake tour guide).  Third, gore was used as a means to filter between horror fans who live for well done classic gore and those who don’t.  So much so that director Adam Green’s comments concerning the second film are, “if you didn’t like the first one, don’t see the second one.”  Green’s directing leaves something to be desired and a majority of the dialogue is pathetic.  Having said that, this probably succeeds in what it was attempting to do:  provide a fun, stomach-wrenching gore fest wrought with laughs and “shock” moments.

Philosophically, the movie really says absolutely nothing.  The only point of interest is a running theme throughout the film concerning folks who pretend to be something they aren’t.  The tour guide who speaks with a terrible New Orleans accent is really a scam artist.  The “porn director” is really a business man just trying to get some action.  One of the porn actresses lies about attending NYU.  What all that has to do with the gore infestation that is Victor Crowley I have no idea.  The only thing I was able to come up with is the irony that Victor, a brutally distorted human being, was always honest and open about who he was.  In contrast, he is now killing those who hide their own inner darkness behind a facade of lies.  More likely is the possibility that the writers were frantically looking for a story to weave in-between the awesome death scenes.

From what I have been reading concerning the sequel, Adam Green has decided to step it up a notch.  Humor, apparently, will not play as prominent a role in the sequel and the gore promises to be taken to the next level.  My hunch is that Green is somewhat amazed that he will actually be directing a sequel and has decided to strengthen his grip on what could be the start of a name for himself.  The movie has a strong set of fans and the sequel seems to be gaining some high expectation.  Victor is not finished yet.

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Plan 9 From Outer Space – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Ed Wood Jr, 1959
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This is the second review in my series of the movies showcased in Disney’s Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater.

According to Michael Medved, Plan 9 From Outer Space carries the dual distinction of being the worst movie ever made by the worst director of all time.  Of all the movies shown in Disney’s Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater, my hunch is that Plan 9 is the most recognizable name of the lot.  The movie is about a group of extraterrestial beings (who look and talk remarkably like humans) descending to planet Earth in order to prevent the humans from creating a bomb that will destroy the universe.  Unlike Doc Brown’s lesser degree scenario of the “destruction being limited to our own galaxy”, the extraterrestials are convinced that the universe is at risk of being obliterated.  Since their first 8 plans apparently failed miserably, they decide to give the green light to plan 9 which brilliantly involves bringing the dead back to life in order to create mass confusion and stall the work on the bomb.  Despite the fact that they are only able to resuscitate 3 corpses from the dead, they remain strangely optimistic that their plan will prove successful.  Of course, it doesn’t and a group of highly boring army generals, an airplane pilot, and some keystone cops save the day by really not doing anything.  Fortunately, the UFO housing the foreign visitors catches on fire and explodes in space.

One of my favorite parts of the film was the opening narration by “The Amazing Criswell.”  This terribly written monologue features some of the worst, and therefore some of the best, lines of all time.  For example, Criswell prepares the viewer by asserting that “future events such as these will affect you in the future.”  It really has to be seen to be believed.

From there the movie is just one bad scene after another.  Bela Lugosi, who passed away before filming ended, is seen only for a minute or two in the movie.  The rest of the time a stand-in holding a cape over his face plays Bela’s character.  The acting is atrocious and the dialogue is fantastically bad.  Add to all of this the classic philosophical narration that is so typical of Ed Wood.

So, put all of these bad things together and what do you get?  One heck of a good movie!  Plan 9 should be seen by all true horror/Sci-Fi lovers just because it embodies so many of the things we love to make fun:  wobbly flying saucers clearly hanging by a piece of string, martians in shiny pajamas, shadows of boom mics and camera operators, and the kind of acting that made Leslie Nielson turn into a comedy genius!

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Friday the 13th Part 3 – Review

reviewed by hallo
directed by Steve Miner, 1982
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This review is part of my ongoing Friday the 13th series.  You can read my reviews of the other films by clicking the “Friday the 13th Series” category link on the right hand side of your screen.

The last time we saw Jason Vorheers, he was in a big time fight with Paul and Ginny from part 2.  Friday the 13th Part 3 picks up closely after the events of part 2 and Jason steals some new clothes from a seriously run down shop and, of course, kills the shop owners.  He then makes his way to “Higgins Haven”, a lakefront property, to hide out in the barn and recover a bit from his romp in part 2.  Cue a van load of young people making their way to Higgins Haven in order to give Chris, the lead actress in the movie, a chance to confront the demons in her past, including being assaulted by a deformed person.  One of these future victims is named Shelly (Larry Zerner), an overweight and highly annoying guy who holds a special place in my heart for being one of the more memorable characters throughout the entire FTT series.   Shelly has a love for the grotesque and keeps scaring his friends by putting on masks and utilizing fake blood.  He also has a hockey mask that he uses at one point to scare the wits out of folks.  That hockey mask of Shelly’s will make Jason Vorhees one of the most recognizable monsters in horror history.

Attempting to elaborate on the plot is pretty pointless.  One by one, people start getting knocked off.  A group of bikers join the scene for a while also getting killed.  The various methods of murder include shooting a girl in the eye with a speargun, slicing a boy in half with a machete, electrocution by way of being thrown on a fuse box, and the squeezing of a guy’s head so hard that his eyes pop out.   The final confrontation ultimately comes down to Jason and Chris, who after taking his mask off reveals himself to be the one who had attacked her previously.  She ends up hanging Jason, but that of course is pointless.  Finally, after Jason is distracted, Chris puts a machete into his head, apparently killing Jason (and creating the famous cut in the hockey mask).

The movie ends with a nod to the original.  Chris gets in a boat and sets a drift in the lake, falling asleep.  When she awakes, she realizes she hasn’t gone very far and she is still near the dreaded barn where the carnage took place.  Jason is seen looking out the window and runs outside to get her.  At this point, in a complete rip off of the final scene in part 1, Mrs. Voorhees comes out of the lake and pulls Chris in.  Of course, it ends up being all a dream and Jason is finally seen in the barn, presumably dead.  Until part 4!

The film was released in 3-D, being the first Paramount Pictures 3-D release.  By this point, the series has established its formula of making sure a bunch of young people are at a secluded place so Jason can kill them.  Interestingly, from this point on, the series will build on people who have mental issues finding themselves at odds with Jason.  This movie is only notable for the introduction of Jason’s hockey mask and a few fun scenes.  Other than that, not too much here to hang your hat on.

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